A diamond underneath the water
by Thecricketsarecalling
Summary: A year before the show starts. Back when Chuck had a wife named Lucy...
1. 1994

This all happened because of that damn diamond ring.

Chuck thought as he laid back on his living room sofa and cracked open another bottle of beer.

None of this would of happened, if it wasn't for that damn diamond ring.

Today had been his wife's wake. At least a good hundred people showed up between the two viewings. One in the morning, and one in the afternoon. Tomorrow she would be buried in St. Michael's cemetery. Laying there, feeling the weight of the day still heavy in his heart, he tilted back his bottle and raised it up to the air.

"To Lucy…"

Taking large swallows of the beer, Chuck felt his stomach roll before he stared off into the darkness. He never knew something could hurt so bad before in his entire life. Somehow it seemed to hit him over and over at every moment. It just wouldn't go away. He couldn't escape it. Everything in this apartment reminded him of her. Glancing across the room, he saw their wedding photograph, framed in crystal on the fireplace mantle. Staring at it, he felt tears begin to build behind his eyes. Wiping them, he cleared his throat and finished his beer.

That's when there was a knock on the door.

Glancing at the clock, he saw it was nearly midnight. Putting down his beer, he stood up and walked to the front door, unlocking the bolt. Opening, he saw Gary.

Holding a brown bag, he looked across at Chuck.

"Hey…"

Chuck motioned for him to come inside.

"Come on in, got some beer chilling in the fridge."

Gary silently walked in, before holding up a brown bag.

"Marcia sent these over…bagels, muffins, some coffee…"

Chuck took the bag before walking into his kitchen.

"Tell her thanks…"

Chuck stood by the counter and silently began to unload the food. Gary meanwhile stood in the kitchen, hands stuffed in his pockets.

"So…Marcia sent you out here in the middle of the night to make sure I had muffins?"

Gary stared at the floor.

"No, she knew I was worried about you…said I should come over and check."

"What? Check if I'm hanging from the bathroom shower rod?"

Gary sighed before walking over.

"That's not funny Chuck…"

Chuck went towards the fridge and opened it, cracking open two fresh bottles. Handing one over to Gary, he began walking back to the darkened living room. Gary followed him silently. Both took seats across from each other. Gary watched Chuck as he drank his beer. His eyes seemed exhausted.

"You look like you need some sleep."

Chuck only nodded, looking off into space.

"Yeah…I guess I do…"

"Didn't the doctor leave you valium?"

"Yeah…been thinking about taking another one, but my mind won't seem to shut off."

Chuck then pointed to the bottle and let out a dry laugh that didn't seem to have much humor in it.

"I think I can't help the fact I'll most likely go to the burial with a terrible hangover."

"You you want to spend the night at my place? You shouldn't be alone…"

"This is my first night really alone, and trust me Gary…I need it. I just need some time to have my peace and let everything sink in, I'm hurting pretty bad…"

Gary had pity in his eyes as he looked down at his beer.

"It's my fault…"

Gary looked up, somewhat caught off guard by this comment.

"What?!"

"That stupid ring…I knew she didn't like jewelry that flashy, she even told me. But no…I had to be the big shot who used his commission for the year to buy it for her. I had to show off and have her know how much I cared…and for what? For her to get killed?"

"Chuck, it wasn't your fault…"

"That's what everyone keeps telling me, but I know…I can see it in their faces…oh Jesus…"

Chuck's words trailed off as he lowered his head for a second. Gary watched, waiting to hear him cry before Chuck looked up again, his eyes slightly bloodshot.

"Why did I go inside? Why didn't I wait for her…then maybe I would of known something was wrong…why?!"

Chuck's voice began to sound uneven and cracked. Finishing the last of his beer he got up for another. Gary stayed seated, holding his nearly filled beer and looking down at the carpet. He had known Chuck ever since they were kids. He was his best friend, they had been roommates, each other's best man's, and worked together. They had shared plenty of ups and downs. For once Gary finally thought that this was what it was like to live a normal happy and somewhat dull life. He was married down, planning on children, and making good money. He enjoyed the city, and usually hung out with Chuck at the sport's bar while their wife's went shopping or out to dinner. They were all friends and everything seemed to be looking forward towards the future. Until…

Chuck returned from the kitchen with his next beer and twisted off the cap. Laying back down on the sofa he raised his bottle again.

"To Lucy, my wife. The woman who I loved, who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, the woman who I wanted to have children and grow old with…cheers to her fucking stupid husband who killed her!"

Gary stared at him as Chuck's voice cracked and took big gulps of his beer. Laying back, his eyes seemed to fill with tears before he quickly wiped his face with his sleeve. Gary took a moment before looking across at him.

"How bad are you Chuck? No bullshit."

Chuck glanced at him, his face looking old for a man in his mid thirties.

"Pretty bad Gary…awful in fact."

"Then I'm spending the night…"

Gary said as he stood up and began walking towards the kitchen. Chuck looked over, slightly confused.

"What?"

Gary grabbed the phone off the wall and looked at him.

"To call Marcia and tell her I'll meet her there tomorrow, you shouldn't be alone."

"Gary come on, I'm just tried…go home…"

Gary turned away, pretending to ignore him. Chuck sat up and right away and grabbed onto the coffee table, the beers seemed to be getting to him. Gary mumbled something over the phone before hanging up. Turning, he stared at his friend and felt his heart ache.

Chuck sat back down, his head lowered.

He had called Marcia, who was just getting ready for bed. He explained how bad Chuck seemed to be doing and how he didn't trust him alone. Marcia offered if he needed any help and Gary told her just to get to sleep, and that he would meet her at the cemetery in the morning. Giving a quick love yous, he hung up and thought what if would be like if the tables had been turned. What if Marcia had been the one to die. Could he have taken it? They hadn't been married long, but they been seeing each other ever since Gary could remember. He loved her and was now planning on starting a family with her. Would he be in the same state Chuck was. Looking over at his friend, he couldn't even think about it.

Lucy was really gone.

He had known Lucy for nearly four years now. Something about her was different from the start. Something made Gary look at Chuck and her and know this was meant to last. In fact there were times Gary often felt jealousy deep inside whenever he watched the two of them together. They seemed so right for each other, so in love. Never before in the entire time Gary had known Chuck, had he seen him so happy before. He loved Marcia, but often felt distance. Something just about the way they looked at each other.

But not with them.

Lucy had been his friend as well, so many memories Gary seemed just as hurt and stunned by her death. It wasn't fair, most of all to Chuck.

Why would God let such a terrible awful thing happen to such a good person?

Gary began taking his jacket off, before rolling up his sleeves. Walking into the living room, he joined Chuck.

"I think I left some sweats here, when I help paint your office?"

Chuck slowly nodded.

"Yeah…Lucy…"

He paused for a second, looking down at the floor.

"Lucy…washed them and put them in the linen closet, top shelf."

Gary nodded before Chuck looked across at him.

"Gary, really you don't have to spend the night…"

Gary shook his head before getting up again.

"Shut up Chuck…"

Gary left the room for a few minutes to change. Sitting there alone, Chuck reached over and snapped on one of the lights. Sighing, his heart ached deeply. The beer wasn't helping. Feeling somewhat dizzy, he put the bottle down and rubbed his face.

Gary came back out, dressed in sweats.

"Got coffee?"

Chuck nodded.

"Yeah, still warm in the pot."

Gary walked into the kitchen.

"Good I'll make us some…"

Chuck laid back before shutting his eyes. Over and over again it replayed in his mind. Only this time, he saw himself getting her out of the pool just in time, grabbing onto her and swimming to the side. Not the other way…

He was hurting, and he felt himself really loosing it. This terrible grief didn't seem to wanna let up, not even for a second. Feeling fresh tears whelm up in his eyes, he tried his hardest to fight them back.

Gary came back with the coffee and placed them down. Sitting beside him, he put his arm around his friend and let him cry. Chuck lowered his head, somewhat shaking as he let everything out. Crying, he put his hands to his face as Gary looked ahead, holding his friend and trying his hardest to be supportive.

An hour or so later, after Chuck got some coffee into him he forced him to take his last pill. Before morning, Chuck was fast asleep on the sofa. Gary meanwhile stayed awake. Watching the television, and laying on the loveseat. Eyeing Chuck, he saw him sleeping on the sofa, almost curled up. A look of terrible pain beneath his sleeping face.

Gary watched early morning television before watching the last of the night began to break away. In a few hours Lucy would be buried.

And maybe, just maybe Chuck would begin to get a grip of what really happened.


	2. Alone in the rain

The next morning was overcast and rainy. Chuck, along with Gary and Marcia stood underneath umbrellas as distant family and friends surrounded the white steel casket that was covered in beautiful looking flowers. The priest said a short prayer, reading from one of his passages. Chuck spaced out while all of his was going on. Dressed in his dark suit, his lowered his heads and stared down at the casket.

Inside there was Lucy.

Feeling his insides shake he looked away from everyone's silent grieving faces and really now knew this had happened. Lucy was really dead, and this hadn't been some awful nightmare. Glancing up for a second he caught the eye of Lucy's parents. Both holding each other and looked so old and lost. They stared at Chuck before simply looking away. Nothing left to really say to each other. They were all heartbroken and knew they couldn't bring her back. In a way they all felt guilty…just because maybe, just maybe they could of stopped it from happening. Maybe because they were just thirty or so feet away from where she drowned. 

Looking down again he happened to notice Marissa from the office was there. Looking off into space, holding her walking cane. Chuck thought it was nice of her to show up…Lucy would of liked that. Looking at the casket he felt dizzy with terrible pain. They were really burying her, and leaving him all alone. He struggled to control his tears in front of everyone.

When the priest said amen, everyone slowly began walking away. After what happened yesterday during her wake, between the afternoon viewing hours Chuck knew that people would stay away. They had seen he was in shock and wasn't doing good at all. Almost fearful and full of pity, they walked away up towards their cars. Gary and Marcia meanwhile stayed. 

The funeral director, along with his assistant stood by the hearse and collected the umbrellas they handed out. Other people parted in their own directions, trying to hurry to their cars before the rain got to them. Headlights were turned on, and they all began to drive away.

Gary looked over at Marcia, and both knew how bad Chuck was doing. He simply stared down at the casket, getting wet from the falling rain. His eyes dead. Marcia and Gary stepped forward holding the umbrella over him.

"Chuck…come on buddy, your gonna get soaked. Let's go back to our place for some nice coffee…few people might stop by."

It seemed no use, Chuck simply kept looking down at the casket. Finally Gary turned and nodded to Marcia to walk back to the car. Marcia slowly nodded, and sighed at her husband. Watching her go, he turned towards Chuck as rain began to pour down on them. 

"Come on Chuck, Marcia is gonna put heat on in the car."

This car was what Gary had bought her last year for her birthday. A fancy little silver sports car that Chuck often joked about. Chuck bit down on his bottom lip, looking at the coffin, and pain flicked in his eyes. Looking up at Gary, his eyes seemed so empty and lost.

"Gary…"

His voice was shaking and low.

"Gary…I don't wanna leave her out here in the rain…"

Chuck's voice broke up as Gary reached over and hugged his friend. Chuck fought hard not to cry before Gary slowly began leading him up the hill to the car.

Later that afternoon, a few people had come back to Chuck's. On the way back there Chuck, who sat in the backseat staring out the window, cracked a dry and humorless joke about a funeral party. Gary and Marcia just looked at each other. 

About fifteen or so people arrived. Lucy's parents were not there.

Most of them distant family of Chuck's, and a few friends of Lucy's and co-workers. Everyone in their own little way approached him that afternoon as everyone stood around softly talking in little clicks and eating all the food everyone had bought. People mostly sat around in the apartment eating, drinking coffee, and talking. Mostly about Lucy's photographs. Chuck sat on the sofa, drinking beer and not really saying much. A few people came over to him and told him yet again how very sorry they were about his wife. Most of the talk was the same. Over and over he had heard it.

"I'm sure she didn't suffer."

"She loved you so much, you two were meant for each other."

"She's with angels now."

"I'm so sorry Chuck, she was so beautiful."

Chuck simply nodded and thanked them softy. 

Finally around six, everyone had left. Marcia was finishing cleaning up with Chuck in the kitchen. On what must have been his 10th beer, he stayed silent and put the last of the food away. Finally she turned towards him.

"You okay?"

Chuck shrugged. 

"I've been better…"

Marcia sighed before Gary entered the kitchen.

"So I was thinking maybe you might like to crash at our place for awhile…"

Chuck shook his head.

"Gary your sweet but no…I just need some time alone, thank you though…"

Gary looked uncertain. 

"Are you sure?"

Chuck nodded.

"I just need time alone and let it sink in, I'm hurting…but I'm fine really."

That's when Marcia and Gary walked over and put their arms around their friend. Chuck didn't so much emotion as he hugged them back. An hour or so later they finally left, after making him promises for what seemed like the third time he would call them in the morning. Feeling almost childlike, he saw his answer machine was full. Sighing, he crossed into the bedroom to change. 

Getting into one of his sport's jerseys, and sweats he could smell the faint scent of her perfume. Feeling his heart ache, he ran his hands through his hair and went into the kitchen. Grabbing what he hoped was his last beer for the night he went into the living room and laid on the couch. 

Sitting there he tried to watch the television before he clicked it off. Sitting there all alone, he looked around the living room and remembered all those times Lucy was with him. All those times she laid across the sofa with him watching basketball or some movie on TV. How they often had wine on this sofa and kissed each other. How last winter they set up their over sized Christmas tree just over near the window. So many great memories in this room with her.

He was used to that.

Having her with him.

He wished she was laying beside him. Wearing one of his jerseys and shorts. Her hair in a ponytail and her head rested on his shoulder. How he would look down at her beautiful face, clean of makeup and smile. 

Now…

He was alone.

Putting his head in his hands he began to cry. 


	3. Couldn't save her

Chuck fell asleep on the couch a little after two in the morning. With the television still softly on, he slept beside a coffee table lined with at least five empty beer bottles. Restless, he finally woke up after the last nightmare.

It was another one about what happened.

Taking a second, he opened his eyes and looked around the empty living room. The lamp was still on, casting a dull dusty light through the dark room. Glancing at the television, he saw some late night movie was playing. Letting his eyes adjust, right away the same terrible almost numbing pain hit him. It never went away, not even for a second. Taking a deep breath, he reached over and drained the last of the bottle which was closest to his hand. Feeling his throat burn, he laid there for a second before rubbing his face with his left hand.

That's when he withdrew his hand and stared at his fingers.

His wedding band.

Sighing, he felt as though needles were twisting into his insides. Letting out a horsed sounding cry deep in his throat, he lowered his head again and began weeping.

He never though it could hurt this bad.

"Please God…please let me have her back, I promise I won't let anything happen to her…please…

His strained voice choked out as he cried. Sitting there he then thought back at how it kept playing over and over again in his mind.

Last weekend they had visited her parents update. The two of them rented a car and took off early Friday after Chuck called in from work. Packing a few bags, the two of them enjoyed the drive together and beat the usual traffic nice and early. Chuck remembered her with her big sunglasses and scarf. She had her camera and kept taking photos of him driving. Laughing, she got him in a great mood and they sung along to the radio together and arrived there with her head on his shoulder, his arm around her feeling as if he was the luckiest guy in the world.

He loved spending time with Lucy. In fact if it wasn't for the money, he would of quit his job long ago to spend more time with her. Ever since they got married, he hadn't lost that same feeling that he got when he first laid eyes on her. He knew the chances of a guy like him ending up with a girl with her was slim, but he counted himself grateful everyday. They were best friends in all ways, and seemed to have something special about them. Something that couldn't be explained, but just straight and forward right for each other. Chuck never felt so comfortable or happy with anyone else. He hoped one day…back when everything was okay, that he would make enough money and move Lucy someplace amazing. Spend the rest of his life with her, and giving her everything she ever wanted.

But the truth was…all she wanted as him.

Chuck remembered pulling into the driveway of Lucy's parent's beautiful summer house. They were original from New Mexico, but bought this place shortly after the wedding. Chuck and Lucy often visited and spent a few weekends up there enjoying the peace that the city didn't offer.

Chuck got along with Lucy's parents, unlike his who he hadn't spoken to in what seemed like forever. They were completely opposite of what someone would think in-laws would be. Both were wealthy in their own ways, and had Lucy along with her brother Philip when they were working around the world. They had a different and somewhat wild outlook on life and enjoyed the fact their only daughter had found happiness. They welcomed Chuck into their family, and seemed to get along with him fine. They thought he was off beat and funny, which was just what Lucy needed.

They didn't see each other that much, but they visits they did make were good ones.

Chuck remembered how the crickets chirped in the background. The beautiful fire velvet colored sky as the sun began to set. The warm breeze that blew past the blossomed trees and made the air which a beautiful scent of fresh soil and flowers.

Chuck loved the city, but couldn't deny how amazing it was up here.

The fresh air, the open space, the pounds, and forests. Chuck enjoyed the small opened space Lucy's parents lived in and looked forward to the weekend.

"Chuck, help me?"

Chuck remembered snapping off his sunglasses and seeing Lucy trying to tie some of her loose hair in a ponytail. Softly smiling, Chuck reached over and helped her before she pulled it through and turned grabbing her purse. Chuck got out and grabbed the bags out back as their parents greeted them.

As always it was hugs and friendly slaps on the backs. Lucy's mother hurried Lucy inside talking a mile a minute as Lucy's father helped Chuck with the bags.

"How's the stocks looking Chuck?"

"I've seen better days Dan, I've seen better days."

Lucy's father laughed, giving him another friendly slap on the back before going into the beautiful air conditioned house.

That evening once they got settled, they had dinner out back on the patio that over looked their beautiful built in marble pool. Candles lit, they ate together and caught up on everything. Lucy's parents spoke about their latest vacation to Europe, while Chuck went over work a little bit and Lucy about what was going on with their circle of friends.

As always they asked when they were going to make them grandparents and all Chuck and Lucy did were eye each other and smile. Their hands underneath the table holding each other.

Finally Lucy's mother asked yet again to see the beautiful ring Chuck had given her for her birthday. Lucy smiling from ear to ear held up her hand and right away Lucy's mother began to gush.

"That's the most beautiful ring I've ever seen!"

"It's not a ring, it's a golf ball!"

Joked Lucy's dad.

Lucy laughed along with them and gave Chuck a look that he would never forget. The same look she often gave him. The look he knew…

The look of I love you.

Chuck's heart ached remembering how they all stayed up drinking wine and talking. Chuck and Lucy sprawled out on one of their comfy patio couches and laying in each other's arms laughing. How that night he made love to her for the last time.

He remembered how nervous he was yet again about having sex in her parent's house. As always as she got into bed, she rolled her eyes before pinning him down on the chest with her hands. Teasing him, she would curve up a smile and tell him her parents were stone deaf. Chuck really couldn't remember that night. Only that they had made love. Nothing was special about it, only that once he finished and was about to drift off to sleep, he gently kissed her shoulder.

Most of the time he did do that. She seemed to make him sleep better. Almost every night he would drift off right before her, and kiss her as she slept. He remembered having to fly to New York with Gary for a meeting a few months back and how badly he slept without her. Gary joked he was being too clingy and that she was his security blanket. But the truth was…she was.

The next morning…it happened.

Fisher went back to this memory as he softly cried on the sofa.

He remembered waking up a little after ten. Lucy had let him sleep in on purpose. Never feeling so relaxed before in his life, Chuck remembered the window was open to the balcony and how the morning sunlight poured in. He got up and found her in the shower. Joining her, they didn't come downstairs until ten-thirty.

Lucy's parents were going into town for a few hours, but planned on spending the rest of the afternoon with them by the pool. Being left in the house, the two wore their scrubs and Pjs and made breakfast for the two of them together. Taking it out on the patio, the two enjoyed the beautiful morning as birds sang in the distance and the pool's surface seemed to glitter.

They sat in the sun, eating, drinking coffee, and laughing.

An hour later she changed into her bathing-suit, he changed into his swim trunks. They laid together out on the patio in the sun. His arm around her.

Right before her parents came back, he tilted her head towards him and he smiled looking right into her eyes.

"I love you…"

She smiled back and was about to say something…when he kissed her.

Within the hour Lucy's parents joined them. They swan in the pool, which was like bathwater and even got into a splashing match. Swimming around the crystal clear water, they finally all sat on the edge dripping wet and trying to dry.

Chuck, who's hair was slicked back sat beside Lucy as her parents told them they were opening a fresh bottle of wine and planning on drying off inside. Deciding to join them, they began walking in when Lucy stopped.

Chuck's arms were around her waist as they almost went inside. Stopping beside the sliding glass door, Lucy felt for the top of her head and rolled her eyes.

"What is it babe?"

"My sunglasses, they must of slipped off in the pool."

"I'll get them…"

Chuck started to turn when Lucy smiled and shook her head.

"Naw I'll get them. Get some towels, I'll be in a second."

"You sure?"

Lucy past him and began walking back to the pool.

Lucy flashed him a smile before slipping into the water. Smiling back, Chuck walked inside.

Chuck hadn't seen what happened…but knew well enough.

While Lucy's parents cracked open a bottle of wine in the den and began setting down glasses, Chuck grabbed some towels off the bench in the kitchen and began to dry off.

It wasn't until nearly seven minutes later that he knew something was wrong.

Dried off, Chuck walked into the Den before Lucy's mother looked up.

"Lucy coming?"

"Yeah…"

Chuck motioned over his shoulder.

"She's just getting her sunglasses…"

Chuck began to sit down when something stopped him. Lucy's father began pouring the wine.

Lucy's mother then walked into the next room towards the patio.

"I'll get her, she'll miss the toast."

Chuck smiled as Lucy's father filled his glass.

Seconds later there was a shrill of a scream. Chuck spun around dropping his wine glass on the carpet. Right away he began to run. Nearly slipping in the kitchen, he knocked over a stool before running outside. Lucy's mother was on the edge of the pool screaming and looking as though she was about to jump in.

Chuck didn't see it, but heard Lucy's father behind him.

Quickly running across the stone patio, he then looked in the pool.

On the deep side, all the way at the bottom floated a lifeless Lucy. Her hair slowly dancing around underneath the water.

She wasn't moving.

Chuck completely froze, his eyes bulging from their sockets.

"LUCY!"

He jumped in, swimming straight to the bottom, fighting the water.

He saw her floating there, her hand stuck in the grate at the bottom. Her sunglasses still sitting there under the water.

Grabbing her, he tried his hardest to yank her but she wouldn't come free. Chuck tried again and saw it was her hand that was stuck. With all his might he yanked and then began to swim up to the surface.

Shooting from the surface in a huge splash, he gasped for air and struggled to keep her afloat. Swimming over to the edge he heard her parents screaming. Quickly her father helped him lift her out of the pool. Water had soaked the patio as Chuck rolled over dripping wet, struggling to get to her. Lucy's mother was a complete mess, crying and screaming out her name. Lucy's father who seemed in shock sat back staring at his daughter.

She was pale and wasn't moving. Feeling his heart race, he was hysterical. With shaking hands he laced them together and began to perform CPR. Pumping down on her chest, he tilted her head and began breathing deeply into her mouth.

"Lucy!"

He yelled.

Her ring finger was broken.

He kept doing CPR, his hair hanging in his face.

"One…two…three…"

Then he would open her mouth and breath for her.

"Come on!"

He cried, and kept breathing for her. Lucy's mother was crying as her father got up quickly saying something about an ambulance.

Chuck expected her to finally do what happened in the movies. To cough up some water and stare up at him with scared eyes. He needed her to breath, that's all.

How long had she been under, three…four minutes. No it couldn't happen this quick.

"BREATH LUCY!'

He screamed, pumping down faster and faster.

Her body not moving.,

By the time the paramedics came nearly ten minutes later, they found Chuck still trying to perform CPR on his dead wife. He begged her to make up, slapping her face as he cried. When the paramedics tried to get him away he fought them. He screamed for them to help her but it was no use. Finally his face crumpled as one of the paramedics rested his hand on his wet shoulder.

"She's gone, I'm sorry…"

Chuck broke down, grabbing onto her soaked lifeless body and moaned.

They sedated him shortly after.

And a few days later, the pool guy found her beautiful diamond ring in the filter grate at the bottom of the pool. The cleaner, an older trustworthy man gave the ring to Lucy's mourning and shocked parents. The cause of death was drowning.

It seemed, that while Lucy was swimming to the bottom to find her sunglasses, she simply put her fingers through the grate to hold herself at the bottom long enough to grab them. That's when the ring got her finger stuck. She panicked, and struggled and finally drowned at the bottom of the pool. There was a statement and that's how everyone pieced it together. You heard about people drowning all the time. The ocean, lakes, ponds, bathtubs. It was just something you heard about and hoped would never happen to anyone you knew.

A terrible tragic accident that could have been avoided. She drowned in the swimming pool, that she and Chuck had swan in a million times. Chuck knew she was a good swimmer, and couldn't believe that while she was terrified, underneath and drowning he was filling his wine glass up inside.

How couldn't he have known?

Could she have died that quickly?

He was heartbroken.

He couldn't save her.

Thinking of the ring and what had happened at the wake yesterday, his insides began to ache again.

How could this have happened?

Sitting there he cried harder then he ever cried before in his life.

Why couldn't he have her back.

Why?


	4. No other choice

Chuck drew himself a nice steaming hot bath shortly before sunrise. He couldn't really sleep, his heart was aching and he felt pretty drunk now. Slowly lowering himself into the tub, he felt his muscles begin to relax right away. Tilting his head back he shut his eyes and tried his hardest to just drift off and make this terrible pain go away.

Remembering so many times in which Chuck and Lucy shared baths together. Usually after going out to dinner, they would draw themselves a nice warm bath and light some candles. Just having her beautiful smooth body against his. Her hands rubbing his chest and making all the stress and worry of the workday fade away. He remembered all those times they would quickly shower together whenever getting ready for work. How for a long time he began running late by missing the train. Somehow those mornings were always the ones in which Lucy would step inside the shower behind him and wrap her arms around his shoulders. Smiling as the warm water poured down on them as she gently began kissing up his neck. Now here he was completely alone.

Thinking back at the funeral he wanted to die himself.

It had been bad. He was still in so much shock, he remembered seeing the worried glances from Gary and Marcia as he stood back dazed and still stunned. He remembered greeting friends and distant family. He remembered noticing Lucy's parents not showing up right away. The coffin further back, opened with his beautiful now lifeless wife laying inside it. Seeing her there, laying in a cream colored dress and surrounded by white roses. She looked so peaceful…as though she was sleeping.

But she wasn't.

She had drowned and it had been his fault.

He didn't dare go near the coffin. Instead he stood by the doors and greeted people feeling completely numb.

During the afternoon viewing Lucy's parents showed up.

Both looked so lost in their own grief Chuck at first didn't see them walk up to him. Lowering their heads, they spoke softly and said something about how they found this and thought he might want it. There Lucy's father opened his hand and revealed the beautiful sparking ring Lucy had worn. The same ring he had bought her, and the same ring that had killed her.

Right away before his eyes he saw her struggling underwater. Her hand stuck and the beautiful ring glittering under the cool crystal rays of the water.

That's when his face crumpled and he began to yell. Everyone who was there turned as he grabbed the ring and threw it as hard as he could at the coffin. Gary and two of his fellow co-workers Max and Jeff grabbed him. He screamed out Lucy's name and struggled as they dragged him off into the other room. He screamed for his wife to just wake up and to stop doing this to him.

That's Lucy's second cousin, Dave…a young doctor from outside the city sedated him. He told everyone it was just shock. They brought Chuck home shortly after and let him just sleep. Marcia and Gary stayed with him.

In fact he had no idea how he would of gotten through this last week without them.

Chuck did get to see Lucy one last time before she was buried. One last time before they left the funeral home the next day. He stood alone, smelling the strong scent of flowers before staring down at her pale beautiful face. This was his wife, the woman he loved. Reaching down, he brushed away some of her hair and sighed. Feeling tears slip down his face he whispered he was sorry and kissed her one last time.

The ring meanwhile…

Well he hadn't seen it since he threw it.

He never wanted to see it again.

He knew what people were saying, and he knew everyone was talking about how Lucy died and how badly Chuck was taking it. Pure guilt rushed through him as he sighed and laid there alone in the tub.

Since everything he had just slept. Trying his hardest to escape it all.

But nothing was going to bring back Lucy…nothing.

Drying off nearly a half an hour later, he shuffled to the bedroom and re-dressed. Throwing himself on the bed, he curled up and tried to sleep. Laying in the bed they had shared, he remembered back at when they first met at the bar. How right away he knew something was different about her. She was a model from Australia, who originally went to school to study photography. She mostly did fashion ads, and kept a low profile after they became engaged. She traveled twice a year, once to London, the other Japan where she would help hold some of the biggest fashion shows of the season. He remembered how easy going she was, finding him funny and believe or not having some pretty cool interest. She found him charming and funny. She loved music and movies and wasn't just a beautiful face. She loved the outdoors yet enjoyed the city life. She was full of energy and somehow clicked perfectly with him.

Somehow Chuck felt relaxed, happy, and completely falling for her.

A few months later they were engaged.

For the few years they were married, Chuck was suspired to see himself settled down. They shared their apartment, and both worked. Chuck's hours were flexible and usually he would be out the door by eight. Spending his lunch breaks either with Gary at the bar, or meeting her someplace close, he never felt as though they ever needed space. She was his best friend, and since the day of their wedding he felt like the luckiest man in the world. He had a beautiful sweet and perfect wife…who thought the world of him.

He always made time for her, and loved it whenever they were alone. Either going to basketball games, fashion shows, shopping, or rollerblading. They tried different things and loved going on trips. Always little suspires, love notes, and passionate love making seemed to make them feel so deeply in love it seemed dangerous. Chuck planned in a few years to ask Lucy if she really wanted kids, and perhaps they could start trying. Chuck never really saw himself as a father, and thought he could be perfectly happy if he just grew old with Lucy…but something about her made him want to have kids.

They seemed so happy…and then that stupid accident.

He had been a complete mess since it happened. Replaying it over and over again in his mind.

Thinking of her struggling under the water made his heart ache.

How could he really go on? How could he go forward without Lucy and keep living his life. Always deep down inside his heart remembering his wife who drowned. How could he ever move on or meet someone?

He knew he wasn't that old yet, and there was still a future ahead of him.

But why him? Why did it have to be his soul mate. Why not someone else's wife. All Chuck ever really wanted was to have somebody love him.

That person was Lucy.

Laying there in the darkness of his bedroom as tears fell from his eyes, he glanced up at the ceiling. It had gone though his mind as he slowly tried to break through the awful shock that had frozen his heart so deeply with pain. He knew it was just an accident, a stupid accident in which sadly timing was not on his side. That some might call it faith, that maybe it really was Lucy's time to go.

Thinking of those few years they were married, he would always remember them. From the moment he laid eyes on her he loved her. She was his wife and he had so many good memories of her. But now she was gone…and that was all he had left. He was cheated of a future with his beautiful wife.

Now he was alone.

He knew nothing could bring her back, and as awful as the pain seemed it wouldn't ever go away. Time wouldn't heal things, and he truly didn't know if he really could go on living. But what else was there? He could pray to God his entire life for Lucy to be alive, but it just wouldn't happen.

For those few years, he knew he was his happiest. He really didn't believe in much, but hoped at least when he did fall asleep…maybe he would dream of her. Dream when things were better, when Lucy was alive. Try to relive those memories and touch her again…

Tell her how much he loved her…

Seeing her shawl thrown over the bed, he took it and put it around him. Snuggling in, he shut his eyes and deeply sighed.

"Oh Lucy…I miss you so much…"

After a very long time he finally fell asleep.


	5. Six months later

_Right before Thanksgiving Chuck finally finished making all the calls to the distant family that had been bothering him since Lucy's funeral. He told them all the same things, that he was doing fine and that he wouldn't be coming down to visit for the holidays. What Chuck needed was more time alone._

_He had gone back to work almost a week after the funeral, everyone counting Gary was suspired to see him back so soon. Even Phil pulled Chuck aside and told him that he would understand if he needed more time. Instead Chuck acted as though nothing was wrong and buried himself in his work. At first Gary tried talking to him, saying that shutting everyone out wasn't the answer. But all Chuck could do now was work and pretend that this awful biting pain in his heart would one day go away…_

_His days were usually the same routine now. He got up at six, showered, got coffee and went to work. Most of the time he would take lunch with Gary and Marissa. He would drink a few beers and then go back home where he would drink some more and pass out in front of the TV watching the Bulls play. On the weekends he either played racket ball with Gary or went to the gym. He closed himself off from everything else on the outside and didn't speak to Lucy's parents at all._

_Months past and the seasons slowly began to change._

_Lucy was still dead._

_He often visited the cemetery by himself, usually on a Sunday. He would often just stand by her grave, looking down at the beautiful marble headstone and just think. Buried underneath there was his beautiful wife…his beautiful wife he let die._

_He didn't dare part with any of her things. Her clothes, her jewelry, her photographs…everything he decided to box away in self storage. He packed everything away by himself and then locked it up…out of sight…out of mind._

_He kept a few things, things that reminded him of her. Their albums, a few photographs of her, and her shawl she often threw over herself in bed. Gary had noticed one afternoon when they stopped by the apartment most of Lucy's things were missing. He asked Chuck if had given everything to good will. Chuck lied and said yes._

_He cried, but only in private. Only when things really were bad. Often late at night he would wake up, sitting straight up in bed still half awake. There were nightmares, playing on a constant loop. Nightmares of Lucy under water struggling._

_He would sit up in bed, blinking and looking around at the darkness of his bedroom. He would just sit there lightly sweating before he looked over at the other side of the bed._

_Empty._

_Lowering his head he would cry._

_But now it was almost Thanksgiving. Hanging up the phone, Chuck thought of how that and Christmas were Lucy's favorite holidays. That last year they spent their Thanksgiving with Gary and __Marcia. For Christmas they had gone up to the mountains to ski._

_Thinking of all those nice memories he sighed and felt a faint aching in his chest. The last couple of months had been hard…in fact they had been awful._

_Looking out the window of his apartment, down at the city below he saw the cold gray November sky._

_Just then there was a knock on the door, Chuck got up and answered it._

_It was Gary with two cups of coffee._

"_I was in the neighborhood…wanted to see if you're up to taking a jog around the park?"_

_Chuck knew it was freezing outside, but simply smiled at his friend and let him in. A few minutes later after Gary had taken his coat off, the two sat across from each other in the living room drinking coffee._

"_How you doing pal?"_

_Chuck stared at the carpet and shrugged._

"_Guess it's finally setting in."_

"_What?"_

"_That this will be my first Thanksgiving and Christmas without Lucy…"_

_Gary's brow wrinkled before he sighed._

"_Hey man…it gets better, you just need to be around people. Marcia wants you over for Thanksgiving…she's making this big meal and I need somebody to watch the game with…come on!"_

_Chuck only faintly smiled before looking around the apartment._

"_I need to move Gary…everywhere I turn I think of Lucy, it isn't good."_

_Gary took a sip of his coffee._

"_I can help you look for a new place…shouldn't be that hard."_

_Chuck sighed before staring down at his coffee._

"_You know…a guy like me…with a girl like her…never happens you know. I really didn't see how lucky I was until it was too late…"_

"_Chuck, it was an accident…you know that…"_

_Chuck simply shook his head before looking at Gary._

"_Then why does it hurt so much?"_

_That morning the two of them decided to go jogging anyways. Chuck needed time to think and the harsh wind off the river hitting him in the face helped. Gary, who had much longer legs was in the lead. Chuck meanwhile dressed in sweats followed him, his heart racing. He was thinking back last year when Lucy got the cover shoot in London. He remembered coming home after a long day to see her curled up on the couch with her work. She was dressed in his Bull's jersey and lazily marking off photographs with a marker._

"_Hey babe…"_

_Chuck remembered saying as he took his hat off, his back was killing him._

"_How was your day?"_

_He asked as he began pulling his coat off. Lucy made the sweetest smile before she looked up at him._

"_I got a cover shoot in London…"_

_Chuck's eyes widened with excitement, right away he raised his hand to give her a high-five._

"_Cover shoot in London! Way to go kiddo!"_

_She laughed returning the high-five before he ran over to their stereo and turned it on. Soft jazz music played as he began dancing making her laugh. Going over to her, he took her hands and danced with her in the middle of the living room. They cracked up before he kissed her._

_And everything was all right._

_Those memories were all he had._

_Lucy and him had only knew each other for a few years, half of which they were married. Chuck had no complaints about Lucy, she was beautiful, smart, and funny. Often he wondered how he ended up with such an amazing person. Back then he looked forward to his life with her…thinking they would grow old together. Lucy was everything to him…she gave him a happy marriage and a normal life._

_Finally Gary and him stopped at the edge of the park, both gasping for air. Chuck looked up at the sky and saw that snow was coming soon._

"_You okay?"_

_Chuck looked at Gary before waving his hand._

"_Yeah…come on…"_

_Chuck started running before Gary caught up with him. Running, his thoughts seemed perfectly clear. He knew there really wasn't anything he could of done about Lucy. It was really just bad luck. He could wish all he wanted for her to be alive…but that just wasn't gonna happen. He had the most amazing woman love him…and then be taken away before he even saw how truly happy he was._

_His wife was gone._

_Feeling that faint ache start back in his chest, he told Gary he would buy the drinks if they stopped by the bar to warm up for a bit. A half an hour later there they were sitting at the table enjoying two tall glasses of beer and their company. When Gary got up to use the restroom, Chuck stares down at his wedding band._

_He felt his heart break._

_A few hours later he finally agreed to go over Gary's for the holiday. Coming back home he felt exhausted and wanted to spend the rest of the weekend alone in his warm apartment. Going into the bedroom to change, he thought of what he had said earlier about moving._

_Would he really do it?_

_He knew he would have to._

_Going back to the living room, he planned on cracking open a few bottles of beer and falling asleep in front of the TV. Running his hand through his hair he went to sit down when the doorbell rang._

_Thinking Gary had forgotten something, Chuck walked over to the door and answered it._

_A young man in his mid-twenties stood. Dressed in a three piece suit and heavy overcoat. _

"_Mr. Fishman?"_

"_Yes?"_

_The man held out a box._

"_I'm Lloyd Marquette…from Marquette funeral home…my parents run…"_

_Right away the name clicked. Marquette funeral home was where Chuck had sent Lucy…in fact it was really Gary and Marcia who had made all the arrangements, but Marquette funeral home was where he got the bill. Lucy's funeral seemed like a complete blur…all Chuck remembered was making a complete scene and having to be sedated in the back room._

_It was a nice enough funeral home, classy and old fashion. They had done a beautiful job on Lucy…_

_His thoughts broke up with terrible pain, remembering this made his heart ache even more. Looking at the young man he cleared his throat._

"_Sorry…your from the funeral home?"_

"_Yes…my mother was cleaning the East wing viewing room when she came across this…she said she remembered you and wanted me to bring this over…"_

_He handed the small box to Chuck, the boy looked uncomfortable. _

"_She said it was stuck underneath the back tables, hadn't seen it until she started cleaning…"_

_Right away Chuck knew what this was, he stared down at the box._

"_Thank you…"_

_The boy looked at him before slowly nodding and walking away. There was nothing really else to say. Chuck knew the boy's mother must of told him about the scene Chuck caused a few months ago. Closing the door almost in a dazed state he walked slowly into the living room and opened the box._

_Lucy's ring sat there._

_Chuck was suspired the Marquette's didn't just try to keep the ring, Chuck hadn't thought about it since the funeral. Looking down at it's beautiful sparking stone he felt weight in his chest._

_He felt sick._

_Slowly picking it up, he held it between his fingers and remembered when he surprised her with it. He remembered how nervous he was as she opened the tiny black box and how she squealed in delight once she saw it._

"_Chuck it's beautiful! How on earth did you afford this!?"_

_Chuck remembered grinning and telling her nothing was too good for his girl._

_Looking at his ring his face crumpled._

_This was the ring that had killed her._

_Right away before his eyes he remembered seeing her lifeless body floating in the pool. The ring meanwhile still at the bottom, sparking in tiny little rays. Holding the ring he thought what would of happened if he hadn't ever bought it. Surely she wouldn't have drowned. Who knows…she might very much be alive and with him right now._

_Thinking about that he kept replaying what happened over and over again in his mind. How he tried so badly for her to wake up. Screaming her name and slapping her._

_Silent tears rolled down his face before he began feeling as if a panic attack was coming on. Quickly he went into the bathroom and opened his medicine chest. Dropping bottles and different things into the sink with a crash, he finally found the bottle he was looking for. Quickly he took two pills and tried to breath._

_Stumbling into the living room, he dropped onto the sofa and kept looking at the ring. _

_He knew he couldn't be alone, he was having a nervous breakdown. Crying out loud now, any balance he had gathered the last couple of months since Lucy had died were shattered. He cried and cried before his chest began hurting. He didn't want to bother Gary right now…_

_In fact he just wanted to die._

"_Lucy!"_

_He cried out before he lowered his head._

_An hour later he was asleep._

_When he woke again, it was almost four in the morning. The lights in the living room were still on. Chuck blinked for a second before sitting up and rubbing his neck. He saw the ring was still in his hands._

_Staring at it, with blank emotion…he thought of his beautiful wife._

"_She's gone Chuck…"_

_He softly said to himself. Glancing up at the coffee table, he saw a framed photograph of them together. Arms around each other and laughing. Looking at the photo he knew he couldn't live like this anymore._

_Getting up, he quickly dressed in warmer clothes and left his apartment._

_He took the train, which was still running and noticed besides a homeless woman he was the only person there. A few minutes later he walked through the freezing cold night and into the cemetery. Holding his coat closed, he saw his breath come out in tiny little puffs. He walked through the darkened paths and finally found it._

_He stood there for a second, his hands stuffed in his pockets. He then kneeled down._

"_Hi baby…"_

_He said in a broken voice._

_He brushed away a few fallen leafs that had gathered on the ground. He sat there saying nothing for awhile. The wind was blowing strong._

"_Listen…I sure as hell didn't want things to turn out this way, in fact I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for what happened. I…just wanted to let you know that for the time we had…I was happiest man alive."_

_He stared at the grave, fighting back tears._

"_I wish I was with you…but I remember you always saying everything happens for a reason, I know if things were the other way around I would of wanted you to move on…get married again, start a family."_

_Chuck sat there in the darkness, the wind still howling behind him._

"_I…guess what I'm trying to tell you is…I'll see you one day…I promise…until then could you please keep an eye out for me, even if you look in from time to time…it would sure make me feel better."_

_There was silence as Chuck then held up the ring._

"_Here…why don't you hold onto these…"_

_He then pulled off his own wedding band before using his bare fingers to dig deep into the frozen ground. The soil was tough but he worked on it. He remembered his wedding day, how nervous he had was and how Gary had handed over his wedding band smiling. Yet again…another memory._

_Feeling as though it was deep enough, Chuck put both of the rings into the tiny dark hole and then filed it up. Rubbing his numb hands against each other he stared at the grave again._

_Then…he leaned over and gently kissed the headstone._

"_I love you baby…I always will…"_

_Getting up, he still felt an aching in his heart, but it wasn't as bad. Standing there, stands in his pockets he looked down at the grave and remembered the beautiful wife he once had._

_Just then…_

_A gentle hand rested on his shoulder for a second. The faint smell of flowers filled the air. Chuck just stood there, looking at the grave as the cold wind blew._

"_Goodbye Lucy…"_

_He said, and then turned around to see nothing. Slowly walking home, it was nearly dawn by the time he reached his apartment. The second he got there he opened the phonebook and began looking for movers. He decided he would take Gary's offer and start looking for a new place._


	6. One year later

Chuck sat on the sofa in his new apartment with a notebook and sharpie. Boxes surrounded him even though he had moved in nearly eight months ago. Dressed in jeans and a sport's jersey, he enjoyed his morning drinking coffee and sorting through everything.

He knew one day he would have to do it, and today just seemed like this was it. Sitting there, he went through things, his heart dulling aching in his chest. He opened another box.

It was most of Lucy's clothes.

He had everything in the self storage box delivered to the apartment. Today he was sorting through what he would give up to good will and what he would keep. The last year had been hard, in fact some times it was downright awful.

Lucy's parents had moved, sending him a brief letter explaining how sorry they were and how they would very much like to stay in contact. Chuck crumpled the letter the minute he finished it, knowing he would most likely never see or hear from them again. That very same weekend he drove up to the summer home to find it empty and a for sale sign up front. Walking to the back he looked at the pool, now drained.

Thinking back to the accident, he stood on the edge and looked down.

That's when he simply turned away and never looked back.

Gary and been a great help, he told him maybe he should talk to somebody about what had happened…get some of those feelings out and maybe then the nightmares would stop. Chuck at first didn't like the idea of having to go see a shrink…in fact he found it downright shameful…but after the first three or so visits he began to see comfortable. For once he didn't feel embarrassed and felt more open to talk about Lucy. The man he went to go see was older, almost sixty with kind eyes. He himself had lost two wife's during his life and was currently living alone while his eldest daughter finished college. Chuck found him lucky…at least he had children.

But Chuck opened up and mostly just talked about his few years married to Lucy. How they met, what their interests were, and how much he really did love her. Often talking about it brought back pleasant memories he thought were forgotten for good. Instead he just laid on the leather couch and laughed thinking back when he had a wife.

And he was loved.

Soon afterwards he began to talk about Lucy's death and how badly he had dealt with it. Slowly he began to see that really it was an accident, and that ring or no ring…he didn't cause his wife's death.

It was hard to talk about…but it helped.

It didn't let Gary know about this, instead he kept it locked inside deep in his heart.

He found himself laughing more, and getting out. Gary and Marcia pushed him to start dating again, but that was one path he didn't dare go down. He felt as though it was still too soon, and beyond unfair for Lucy. His heart was still healing from what happened and he didn't think he would meet anyone in his entire life that would match up to her.

But Gary pushed and pushed and he began going on blind dates. Most of them were downright awful and awkward. Usually he would find himself during the entire date comparing whatever woman he was with to Lucy. Time went on and he worked and tried to feel alive again.

But it was hard.

He began seeing two women. One a teacher, the other worked in a office. Both were pretty and very interesting, but the attraction really wasn't clicking. He really felt unsure about moving on while Lucy was still dead. He felt as though he was doing something terrible and unfair. But Gary was right…Lucy would of wanted him to just live his life and move on.

But it was hard.

Chuck began having fun again, slowly. He tried getting out more and more and thought mentioning Lucy would make him back peddling from all the progress he made. It still hurt, and he still cried sometimes in private…but the truth was…all his change was for the best.

He began dating more, even though nothing really turned into anything…guilt still heavy in his heart.

Then he began seeing this girl from his office named Jenny, she was a sweet enough attractive girl with beautiful red hair. He slept with her after nearly a month of on and off dates. Having sex was refreshing, but he felt sick afterwards. It wasn't at all like it was with Lucy…in fact he felt as though he had cheated on her and never called Jenny back again.

His shrink told him that was normal, it was just him getting used to his old ways and that having a physical relationship with women wasn't wrong at all.

Chuck dated some more, some of the women interesting and nice…the others not so much.

He slept with two other women he dated, but like always he never called them back.

He felt bad, but still he couldn't believe that a year ago he was married…and happy.

He worked, and tried to move on…but things were hard.

Today he was sorting through the last of Lucy's things. He knew this was another step in moving on. It had been hard giving her things up. Her clothes, her jewelry, her coats, her shoes, her photographs…

So many memories…

But he knew this stuff was really just stuff. Lucy would of thought of it at way. It was painful, but he knew it was for the best. As he sat there drinking his coffee, he finished with one of the last boxes.

He folded the clothes, that still faintly smelt like her.

In the end he packaged up five boxes in all and kept only one.

This box mostly had photographs, things he didn't dare part with. The rest was just odds and ends Lucy kept.

One was an old cat collar from a cat she had growing up. She explained to Chuck the collar was her good luck charm whenever she had to travel for a job. The next were a few books of hers, some of her favorites she would read whenever they were in bed together.

The next was her wedding dress.

He really didn't know why he kept it…but he just didn't want to see it go.

So he packed everything up in that box, and slid it in the crawl space above his closet. He didn't know if he would ever look at these things again…but he felt better with them being with him.

The only things he kept out were the photographs.

Sitting back down, he knew he would have to call up delivery to get the rest of the boxes packed away. Tonight he had another date, which he was still a little unsure of. She seemed like a nice enough girl…but he didn't know.

Sitting there in the early morning sun he glanced at one of the framed dusty photos he had taken from Lucy. It was of her, twelve or thirteen sitting on the front steps of her childhood home. She was smiling and holding a cute orange cat.

Chuck never paid this any further mind until a few months later.

He wanted to tell Gary once the paper started to arrive, but he thought nothing of it. There were millions of cats…so what?

Chuck moved on, and even fell in love again for a brief period of time. But then again…that was taken from him. He was sure Theresa was Lucy…somehow back in a different form. She looked so much like her…

But when she was taken, Chuck tried to pretend it didn't hurt. Maybe…just maybe she was still alive.

The paper kept coming, and Gary kept saving people.

Chuck helped, and watched everything play out…while still thinking of that orange cat his beautiful wife once held as a child.

Time went on…but Chuck never forgot.

The end


End file.
